Not Only Until The Day I Die
by musomusi
Summary: Fate brought Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman together. Will it now tear them apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own glee or any of its characters. **

**AN: Hi everyone, please give this a read and let me know what you think. There is a second chapter so please comment and/or follow if you would like to read it. **

Dearest Noah

I am writing this letter in the hopes that it will never reach you, that perhaps it will be something we can retrieve from a box when we're both 80 and in that little dream home of ours on the beach somewhere far, far away. I still remember that night after we graduated from college, when you took me out amongst the pines deep in the forest and told me you loved me. I remember spending hours in your arms, talking about our dreams, futures, and aspirations. It was the night where we could just be, with no one to judge us, no one to berate us, and nothing to challenge us except our love for each other. That will forever be one of the most beautiful nights of my life.

I can see that playful smirk of yours now, questioning me. 'My baby girl picked me over Broadway?' you would ask me, looking at me with those cheeky eyes. And yes, Noah, there is nothing more clichéd but true when I say that you mean the world to me.

When Daddy died, my world crashed and burned. For the first time in my life, I experienced something that colour coded lists and the simple tub of ice-cream couldn't fix- true heartbreak. I felt what it felt like to truly shatter, to truly break, and to truly die. But you resurrected me. Had you not saved me on that fateful night, our memories would have never existed. Some call it luck. Not me, I call it fate. Before I was about to jump off that ledge, I prayed to god one last time. I asked him to tell me, to guide me, and if he wished for it, to save me. You were my angel Noah, Mohawk intact and leather jacket bound. You were my blessing.

I was a different girl back then, all argyle skirts and knee high socks, the girl whose head was in the clouds, the one who spoke much too fast and much too much. But in turn, you were a different boy. The Noah I married was a man whereas the Puck I dated in high school was a sleazy jock who made out with every girl in school, the boy with no responsibilities, the boy with no aim in life. Oh how you've changed. Now I look at you, Noah Puckerman, not only Business owner and loving husband, but so much more. We've both come a long way.

Do you remember opening night? The night my dream career truly began. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember too many details. I remember fixing your tie, and warning you not to drink too much champagne. I remember the swish of the curtains rising and the crowd on its feet. Everything felt so right Noah. Everything. But then I glanced at Dad, and saw him sitting next to you. He was immersed in the crowd, yet he looked so alone to me. Later, lying cuddled up next to you in bed, I dreamt of my Daddy. No it wasn't like in movies where we had a long conversation and he gave me all the answers to life. I actually don't remember seeing him, but I felt his presence. I knew it was HIM Noah, and I don't know why, but from that day on I swore to honour his death.

For a while, our lives went on as usual, and our love for each other only grew stronger. Tonys, Emmys, Grammys and even an Oscar nomination for me, and your own vehicle engineering company was hired by the State. I was so proud of you that day. Every once in a while before then, I'd look into your eyes and still see traces of doubt and insecurity. That was the day I started seeing intense belief. Our lives were perfect and it was as if we were wrapped up in a never-ending spindle of joy. But just as quickly as God decided for you to save me, he decided to send us that letter.

At first, we were overjoyed. It was just one trip to go and perform for the US troops at their training centres. I remember telling Dad and the tears in his eyes as he kissed my forehead and told me how proud of me he was. He knew just as well as I did that doing this would honour Daddy, and you did too Noah. You knew I'd be away from home for two weeks but you didn't stand in my way. The first tour was a huge success. It was as if everyone wanted to hear General Berry's award winning daughter sing. They told me it was great for troop morale, and I was happy to be honouring my Daddy's legacy in the Army. Soon enough, one visit turned into two, and two weeks turned into four. Throughout this process, you remained loving, and you remained silent. Not once did you complain or try to stop me because you knew that this was what I had to do. You knew I needed closure.

I have to admit, I expected you to crumble when the offer of full recruitment came. But you didn't even need to ask me for my answer because you already knew. Instead, you dropped to one knee and asked me to marry you. Kissing you at the altar, I felt your passion, and a love so raw that it frightened me whilst igniting me with an irresistible fire of warmth. That night, as you took me for the first time as your wife, I made the second vow in my life. I vowed to be yours forever.

And so now, sitting in this room officially as Lieutenant Rachel Barbra Berry, being forced to write you this letter, I place everything in my heart onto this blank sheet. I imagine now the smell of sand and saltwater as we read this together in the future, basking in the sunlight whilst trading slow languid kisses. I have no fear that our love will last that long.

Because I love you Noah, more than love is capable to be felt. And as I seal this with a kiss, I will say this. There are no goodbyes, only see you later, and should god not wish for us meet again on this earth, then let our love bind us so strong that we may meet in Heaven.

And lest you forget even an inkling of the love I feel for you, please remember this. I love you Noah Puckerman, and not only until the day I die.

Yours Sincerely

Your ever loving wife,

Rachel Barbra Berry


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge thank you to those who reviewed, and Favorited. It means the world to me. Here is the second installment. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own glee, though I'd like to think that if I did, Ms Lea Michele wouldn't have been snubbed for that Emmy. :P **

Two Years.

I wonder now if things would have been different had I known that a timer had been set on my life the day you left me for the first time. I remember that day clear as hell, your radiant brown locks pulled into a ponytail, your eyes filled with sadness but your mouth quirked up into that beautiful Rachel Berry smile, assuring me that you'd be back soon. I tried to be brave Rach, I really tried. But as soon as your body hit mine in a ferocious hug, my resolve broke.

I cried.

You always talked to me about perspective. I can imagine your eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you lecture me about not being so simple. 'It's all about perspective Noah,' you would tell me, 'things aren't always black and white.' Well now, sitting on the very same ledge I found you on all those years ago, and having my last drink, I can say for the billionth time in my life that you were right, because sitting here right now I finally understand exactly what you were going through. Had I known at that time, before we fell in love, I might not have saved you.

But I thank god that I did, because without you, I might have never found love.

They tell me that life's too short to even care at all. They tell me that we are put onto this planet just to be fucked over. That's exactly how I felt that day the two uniformed men marched up to the workshop. They didn't have to say anything, because I already knew. I knew because somehow, I already felt empty. We were always so in sync.

They told me that you got hit by a stray bullet, they told me that you died instantly, but somehow, I know it's not true. I asked god everyday why he didn't take me instead, I asked him why he had to take away his angel on earth- MY Angel. I told him that I tried to be a good man and that I tried to do good by him and by you Rach. But he didn't listen.

Seeing your body in that blasted box for the first time chilled me to the bone and rendered me to my knees. You looked like you were sleeping, so peaceful and so calm. Even lifeless, you looked so full of life and I kept praying that you'd open your eyes, grin at me with those twinkling cheeky eyes and yell 'Surprise!' But that didn't happen. I'm sorry I couldn't watch them lower your body into the ground, I'm sorry I ran away. Perhaps god will let me spend my after-life making it up to you.

Waking up every morning, I felt cold. I scrounge around the empty side of the bed, hoping to feel that tiny bundle that was you, hoping for someone to hold, and for someone to hold ME. But I found nothing.

I read your letter.

It was the only thing I didn't destroy after I found out you were truly gone. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry we didn't get to lie on the beach, I'm sorry we never got to make the most beautiful little Rachels I had always dreamed of. But most of all, I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to live without you. Some may call this the cheap way out, and it is. But Rachel try as I might, I can't bear to live without you by my side.

You say in your letter that you will love me, not only until the day you die. I hope you meant it because my bottle's empty, and your letter's in my pocket, and I know that not even god will save me now because this is my path in life. I'm meant to be with you for eternity, and there's only one more spoon of cough syrup left.

So I'll take the leap, and I'll fly towards you in heaven. I hope you'll meet me there.

I love you Rachel Barbra Berry, and I'll see you soon.


End file.
